Saying Goodbye
by JasmineRaven
Summary: And there it was. That awful word she could never bring herself to say. Goodbye. It had tortured her just to write it. The word sat there on the page, screaming at her, taunting her. Goodbye. She couldn't say it. She refused. It made everything real. Goodbye meant Pietro was gone forever, never to return. She never said 'Goodbye' to Pietro, because she knew he always returned.


**Saying Goodbye **

Beams of sunlight crept through the small gaps in the curtains. _Morning at last_ , thought Wanda, squinting as the bright light caught her eye. She dragged herself out of bed and wandered over to the small, oval-shaped mirror that hung on the wall. Even in the dim light, the dark circles under her eyes were very noticeable. They were so dark they could easily be mistaken for bruises. Except her fight had not been with another person; it had been with her thoughts. The constant noise in her mind refused to let her sleep. For the past few nights, Wanda had lain in bed, watching the shadows dancing on the ceiling, or listening intently to any barely audible sounds that groaned and creaked in the silence of the new Avengers' Facility, while her mind tortured her with frightening, nightmarish visions of the Battle of Sokovia. For the past few nights, when she was shaking with fear, Wanda had called out to her brother, Pietro, the way she had always done when she was frightened. Only now, there was no response. There was no _'It'll be alright Wanda'_ or _'Don't worry Wanda, I'll protect you.'_ Pietro was gone.

Today was Pietro's funeral, the day Wanda had always hoped she'd never live to witness. Since she didn't own a nice black dresses of her own, Laura Barton had kindly given her an old one of hers. The top was a lace lattice of flowers, with short sleeves that just covered her shoulders, and the light cotton skirt fell a few inches below her knees. The dark colour of the dress made her skin appear even paler than normal. Wanda ran her fingers through her long brown hair, unwilling to put in any effort to style it. Her appearance was the last thing on her mind.

There was a sudden knock at the door of her sleeping quarters. "Hey Wanda. It's me, Natasha. Is it alright if I come in?"

Wanda pulled the sliding door open. "Hey," she greeted Natasha weakly, trying to force a smile.

Though her clothes were just as dark and miserable as Wanda's, Natasha still managed to look stunning. Her plain black dress clung to her curved figure, complemented by her smart black blazer. "Laura's dress looks gorgeous on you," she said with a smile. Her eyes gazed at the dress, then slowly crept their way up to Wanda's messy, uncombed hair. "If you'd like, I can braid it for you," she offered.

Wanda nodded silently. She sat on the bed and gazed aimlessly out the window while Natasha gently pulled and twisted her hair. Lost in her own jumbled thoughts once again, Wanda came to a painful realisation. It was something she had known, but it hadn't felt official until today.

 _I have to say goodbye to Pietro._

oOo

Everything was dark. Lingering grey cloud blotted out the sun that had shone through Wanda's window earlier that morning. The crowd surrounding her was a sea of black; everyone in attendance was dressed in some form of black clothing. Contrary to the overwhelming darkness, in her hands, Wanda held a small bouquet of white flowers and a slightly crumpled piece of white paper covered in her scribbled handwriting. She had been asked to write a eulogy for the ceremony, a responsibility that caused her endless stress. It had to be perfect, for Pietro. Her words had to do him justice. She rubbed the smooth petals of the flowers between her thumb and index finger nervously. Though she listened carefully to the words of the funeral celebrant, her brain refused to comprehend or process any of it, leaving the words to float meaninglessly in mid-air. She was in an unnaturally relaxed state, her mind completely empty.

Unexpectedly, a voice forced her out of her emotionless trance. "It's your turn, kid," whispered Clint.

Wanda suddenly became more aware of her surroundings. Everyone stared at her, expressions of pity and sympathy painted across their faces. Her heart began to beat more rapidly in her chest. Carefully, she unfolded the piece of paper she held, her hands trembling uncontrollably. Pushing her anxiety aside, she took a deep breath, focussed solely on the words scrawled on the page, and began to speak.

"Thank you all for coming here today. I know not a lot of you knew Pietro well, but your presence is greatly appreciated. The past few days have been incredibly strange for me. I've never really known life without Pietro. We are twins after all."

 _Were,_ she reminded herself painfully. _We were twins._

"Even before his powers were unlocked, Pietro was always moving faster than the world around him. He often complained that everything moved too slowly. As a child, he never wanted to settle down or sit still. He drove our parents mad. But even though he was constantly rushing around, Pietro never hesitated to slow down to help someone. After the death of our parents, Pietro did everything he could to care for the both of us, claiming that it was his responsibility as the older sibling. To him, those twelve minutes that separated us were significant. I never complained. I liked having someone care for me, worry about me and protect me.

"I don't think I can put into words what it feels like to lose a twin. Pietro and I were incredibly close; inseparable. It feels like a part of me is missing. There is just this empty space where Pietro used to be. Whenever he had to leave me, for any reason, he always assured me he would return…"

Tears began to pool in Wanda's eyes, blurring her vision, turning the words on the paper into meaningless blobs and smudges. She blinked repeatedly. _Come on Wanda,_ she encouraged herself. _You're nearly finished._

"I love you, Pietro. Yes, I mean it in present tense, not past. Just because you're not here, doesn't mean I can't still love you. I miss you so much it's driving me insane. I keep praying that this is just a nightmare that I'll wake up from soon, but I know that's not true. I know nothing I say or do will bring you back, so all there is left to say…"

And there it was. That awful word she could never bring herself to say. _Goodbye._ It had tortured her just to write it. The word sat there on the page, screaming at her, taunting her. _Goodbye._ She couldn't say it. She refused. It made everything real. _Goodbye_ meant Pietro was gone forever, never to return. She never said _Goodbye_ to Pietro, because she knew he always returned.

"I'm sorry," Wanda whispered between sobs, and stepped back into her position amongst the crowd, scrunching the piece of paper in her fist.

 _I can't say goodbye to Pietro. I won't say goodbye to Pietro._

oOo

After the funeral, Wanda remained at the grave, kneeling in front of it. She traced the letters on the tombstone, her fingers brushing gently against the hard, granite surface. _Pietro Maximoff._ Even the sight of the name wasn't enough to convince her brain that he was truly gone.

She heard footsteps approach her from behind. "Sorry," she said, not even bothering to turn around and see who it was. "I'll be there in a minute. I just… I need some more time."

"No rush," responded the unmistakable voice of Steve Rogers. "Take all the time you need. I know it's tough to lose someone you love."

"That was my fear, you know," she spoke again, after a brief moment of silence. "After losing my parents, Pietro was the only family I had. I feared losing him more than anything in the world." Tears began to flood down her cheeks again. "But my fear came true… he's gone… and now I'm alone."

Steve laid his hand comfortingly on her shoulder. "I know nothing can replace a real family. It's just not possible. But the Avengers, we're kind of like another family, or at least a team of people that care about one another. You're never going to be completely alone, Wanda."

Wanda wiped her tears with the back of her hand, but it was useless. The tears continued to fall. "I keep waiting for him to come back," she said between sobs. "Part of me doesn't believe he's really gone."

"I think the first step to acceptance is saying goodbye. I know it's the hardest step, because it makes everything real, but it makes it easier to move forward. Just because you say goodbye, doesn't mean you have to forget him," Steve reassured her. "I know it's painful to live without someone you love, but it's possible. You and Pietro lived without your parents, which must've been difficult. But whenever you're ready, you can move forward. He'll always be with you, Wanda."

Wanda nodded in agreement; the uncomfortable lump in her throat made speaking impossible. She knew Steve was right. She remembered how she and Pietro had to move forward after the death of their parents. Though it had been painful, they'd helped each other through it. Now, she had to do it again, this time by herself.

 _I will do it. I will say goodbye to Pietro._

At last, the heavy clouds in the sky burst and rain began to drizzle down, the cold droplets splashing against her skin. Wanda felt an agonising ache in her chest, accompanied by a nauseating feeling in her stomach. She repeated that awful word a thousand times in her mind, her body trembling more and more with each thought. The tears were pouring now, like torrential rain, dripping down onto the lush green grass along with the actual raindrops. She felt it again, the pain she'd felt when she'd first received the news of Pietro's death, the pain of her heart being torn in two, leaving this horrible empty space inside of her. At last, she took a deep breath, breathing in the earthy scent of the rain. She swallowed the lump in her throat, opened her mouth, and uttered the words she had hoped she'd never have to say.

 _"_ _Goodbye, Pietro."_

* * *

 **Written as part of The Hostile Takeover's Theme Writing Challenge for the theme "Loss".**


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